Book Review: The Charisma Myth: How anyone can master the art and science of personal magnetism
The Charisma Myth: How anyone can master the art and science of personal magnetism by Olivia Fox Cabane.
I met a charisma coach at a cocktail party a few weeks back. Intrigued by the concept I asked: What is Charisma? How would you evaluate my charisma? Good news: the equation is not too complicated. Charism = presence + warm + power.
What are my issues?
With closed arms, a light inward hunch, and an acute case of Resting Bitch Face, it’s definitely warmth. So we talked about that…and then she pushed me - well, what are you going to do differently?...um, not cross my arms? No, like are you going to do to actually get better? set a reminder on your phone? How serious are you?
Time will tell, but she did recommend The Charisma Myth which I have now read and I will report to you it’s outstanding. Ton’s of helpful, tactical pointers that you can action immediately
Here are a few charisma insights:
What’s in your mind shows up in your body - so you have to manage your inner state and your mind (where have I heard this before? :) )
”Warmth is goodwill toward others. Being seen as warm means being perceived as the following: benevolent, altruistic, caring, willing to impact our world in a positive way. Warmth is assessed almost entirely through body language and behavior; it’s evaluated more directly than power.”
”Charisma begins in the mind. Our facial expressions, voice, posture, and all the other components of body language reflect our mental and emotional condition in every section. Because we don’t control this flow consciously, whatever is in our head will show up in our body language.”
”Striving to acquire external charisma skills without learning how to handle your internal world is like adding pretty balconies to a house with a weak foundation’
“Knowing your internal world starts with one key insight upon which all charisma is built: your mind can’t tell fact from fiction. The placebo effect is the basis for many of the best charisma enhancing techniques.”
“Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”
The author describes four different Charisma styles: focus, visionary, kindness, and authority. All are distinct and all useful in different situations.
"Good listeners know never, ever interrupt. - not even if the impulse comes from excitement about something the other person said. No matter how congratulatory and warm your input, it will always result in their feelings at least a twinge of resentment or frustration at not having been allowed to complete their sentence.”
"Knowing how and when to pause is also an art in business conversations, and something most charismatic conversationalists do naturally."
"Logic makes people think, emotion makes them act"
I could go into the specifics but that's the whole book so if you are interested, read it